The Boys of Summer Check In

Well, the opening of Spring Training has come and gone, and our favorite players have shown us once again why they make the money they do, playing a child's game. I figured I'd chime in with my two cents on Brewers camp, but more than anything I'm just posting on spring camp because I have finally found photos of the Brewers down in Phoenix. Thanks for nothing, MLB.com. Spring Training has been going on for two weeks now, and you still haven't posted a photo from Brewers facilities? Really? Maybe if Milwaukee changed their name to the "Devil Brewers", and then changed the name back to just "Brewers", people will all of a sudden care about us again and the league will show us enough attention to throw up a few pictures on their damn website. Freakin Selig and his jagoffs.

So this guy named CC has come and gone, like a phantom in the night, leaving only the faint smell of October Baseball in Milwaukee and a larger-than-life void in the pitching rotation. In his place as the ace? Yovani "you haven't seen nothin yet" Gallardo.

Well, maybe it's Yovanni with two "n's", I have baseball cards with both spellings so who knows. What, never heard of him? Just stand by. Stand the f by. He's very photogenic, by the way. Ah, photo day.

Prince Fielder showed up to camp a little "lighter in his cleats", admittedly smaller in weight but not by a specific number. I guess what's important is the number of home runs he hits this year. I'm thinking of a number bigger than 34, which would be the number he hit last year after his 50-homer season in 2007. Let's shoot for the stars, fatty.

Milwaukee fans will once again witness in 2009 that the chicken does indeed run at midnight. Craig "chicken lips" Counsell is back for another dose of hometown baseball. He figures if he's going to live in Milwaukee from now on, he may as well get paid some money to spend his evenings at Miller Park.

At the helm this year is lifelong baseball student Ken Macha, most recently spending his days occupying various dugouts throughout the American League West in an A's uniform. He seems to be "all business" thus far, but takes some time to tell campfire stories to the boys.

Baseball can be fun, as well as educational. Here Mike Cameron is showing J.J. Hardy how to properly operate a press pass. Point and click, baby. Thanks Cammie for taking the Crew up on that offer of a second season, we're gonna love having you in centerfield again. Tough luck for Tony Gwynn Jr, however, who was hoping Cameron would pack his bags following the '08 campaign so he could perhaps slide into CF this season. Well, that shoulder injury is back for more and Gwynn is benching it up some more. He'll spend most of the year riding busses to games.

Recently "contract upgraded" Corey Hart shows off his skills for the fans whose wives DIDN'T mind they spend some savings and fly down to Arizona to take pictures, watch games, and perhaps meet some of his favorite baseball players. I'm not mentioning any names here, but let's just say I know of one woman (her name rhymes with "My Wife") who thought a plane ticket, rental car, and lodging in Phoenix for a week was "not in our budget this spring". Whatever. Corey has some new ink, and that makes me happy. More ink and more Jesus will hopefully add up to more hits later in the season. Hint Hint.

Speaking of great photographs, this one ranks up there with the Goose Joak card of Alex Rios. Seriously, some men just have a gift. A gift for glowing in the dark. Or projecting a sort of "Emperor sitting in the throneroom waiting for Skywalker" look. I heart J.J. Hardy. Show me a better defensive shortstop in the National League, and I'll call you a liar. Then I'll say I don't care, I like Hardy better. Suck it, Ramirez and Reyes.

Also back for more in '09 is left fielder Ryan Braun, who shows that no matter how many athletes bear the nickname "Hebrew Hammer", there's always room for one more. After all, there are six points to the star of David, and only four corners to a baseball diamond. Write that down.

Longtime Brewers bullpen coach Bill Castro finally makes his way into the dugout and can truly watch a baseball game for once as the new Pitching Coach. Previous pitching coach Mike Maddux has left for greener pastures in Texas, so the Crew promoted from in-house. After all, any guy who can convince the entire bullpen that "Don't worry, Sabathia is starting tonight - why don't you guys just go ahead and head to the bar, I'll meet you there in a few innings" is good in my book.

Quite possibly Milwaukee's best free agent signing in the past 10 years, Jason Kendall. No catcher in the league can call a better game than this guy, and he gives Mike Rivera another excuse to put "backup catcher" on his resume for another season. Let's not forget the 149 starts he made as the Brewers backstop last year. That's some durability.

Nobody thought it was possible, but the Milwaukee Brewers have convinced Major League Baseball's all-time saves leader to go back to being a starting pitcher in hopes of shoring up a less-than-stellar starting rotation. Just kidding. He's going to be our closer, which hurt the feelings of Seth "Big Country" McClung a little bit, until he found out that he's going to fulfill even more roles out of the bullpen than he did last season, including opening the outfield wall to make way for the relievers. And restocking the seed buckets.

Somebody might want to tell Yovani that here in the Chew Ess Ayy we use a small, spherical ball with a winding thread pattern to play baseball. Those crazy ballplayers, those crazy boys of summer.